


In the Family Way

by TrekFaerie



Series: Spaghetti Threesomes [4]
Category: Django Unchained (2012)
Genre: American Civil War, Multi, Pregnancy, Racist Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-26
Updated: 2013-01-26
Packaged: 2017-11-27 01:08:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/656348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrekFaerie/pseuds/TrekFaerie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A surprise can be either pleasant or unpleasant, depending on the recipients.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In the Family Way

It says a lot about a man, the way he reacts to the words, "I'm pregnant." Some react with fear, with anger, with violence. Some run away, hide, leave the woman behind.

Django lifted Hildy up into a bridal carry and kissed her, deeply. Schultz put his coffee down and clapped his hands together, clearly delighted. "Wonderful! What shall you name it?"

"It's a girl," Hildy said, with all the confidence of a first-time mother. "And I don't know. We gotta decide."

"We?" They responded in unison, looking so owlish it made her laugh to see it.

Schultz coughed lightly. "My dear, trust me when I say you won't want either of us anywhere near this child, let alone around to name it, for quite some time after the birth."

"Like I'd ever not want my boys around," she said fondly, kissing Django again when he put her down. "Oh, can y'all do me a favor, though? Just walk to town and buy more salt; that buck will spoil if I don't get it done by tonight."

"So much for wanting us around." They kissed again, all three of them, before Hildy all but shooed them out the door.

Django couldn't help the smile on his face as they walked through the woods. "Can you believe it?"

"Hm? Yes, actually, it was simply a matter of probability. I'm surprised it didn't happen sooner."

He clapped a hand on Schultz's shoulder. "That was one of them rhetorical questions," he said.

Schultz looked surprised for a moment, then laughed. "Remind me to stop telling you about Aristotle, Django," he said. "You only use him against me."

"I don't know how we're gonna do this, though. The only birth I was at was my own. I don't know how none of that works."

"Don't worry about it; even the smallest farming village ought to have a midwife or two on hand. We'll find one."

"And if we don't find any willing to take a nigger girl?"

Schultz sucked air through his teeth. "Well, I've helped a few goats along before. It shouldn't be too terribly different."

"My wife ain't a goat, King."

"Oh, it's all mostly the same plumbing, once you get down to it..." He scratched the back of his neck. "I should stop talking, don't you think?"

Django, grinning and shaking his head, just stopped his walking in the thicker, more secluded part of the woods, wrapped his arms around Scultz's waist and pulled him back until they were flush together, head on shoulder. While it had all started out as two friends sharing a woman, as they assumed most arrangements like theirs turned out, they had evolved to become lovers in their own right. And in the middle of the forest on a crisp fall afternoon, they weren't afraid to show it.

"We won't be able to travel much, in her condition," Schultz began as Django's lips found their way to his neck, "so I suggest we move on to more northern climes, for the time being. We have more than enough money stashed away to sustain us for a few years, though I'm afraid business is going to start slowing up rather soon. The American government is going to have much bigger fish to fry than petty criminals."

"What do you mean?"

"Things seem to be coming to boiling point in this land. We Europeans are much more skilled at sensing war than you Americans, but that comes from centuries of practice."

Django frowned against his skin. "War? Who'd we be fighting?"

"Yourselves."

That sounded like a damn stupid idea, but Django decided to keep that opinion to himself. They had more important things to discuss. "Whose do you think it's gonna be?"

"Well, the North and the South, I'd assume--"

"Not your war. The baby."

Schultz quieted. "... Yours, of course. You're much more... robust than I am, my boy; I'd bet money on your youth beating me out any day."

"If that baby comes out white and talkin' German," Django said, "we're probably gonna run into some problems, even up north."

"Nonsense," Schultz said, with just the slightest hint of mock offense, "who would have a problem with her? She'd be beautiful."

**Author's Note:**

> shh i know what i'm doing  
> shhhhh  
> stay with me here


End file.
